I am 44 years old and entering the dating scene again for the first time in 25 years. I am not doing the online singles sites…that is just scary to me. I am new in town, with a few happily married friends. So much of my time was taken up with caring for someone else that now I just don’t know how to fill that time. Thanks for highlighting an important principle for women over 40 seeking love: You will not find it unless you do something differently. It’s called Match.com, it’s open 24 hours a day, and it costs a lot less than getting on a plane and hoping to sit next to a 45-year-old eligible bachelor.
I have four grown who are trying to set me up (I love them, but what a nightmare!! I highly suggest you get over your fear of online dating, not because it’s perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but because it’s ubiquitous and effective in creating opportunity.
As I waded through Ok Cupid's endless questions and block of text, I imagined the countless men of New York City setting their age filters to 35 or, gasp, 39, and I wondered if it was true that anyone who didn't accept me as I am isn't worth knowing.
It never occurred to me in a serious way before this to lie about my age, even when I hit 30 or 35.
"I feel as if I make out with a guy and tell a guy I'd like to enjoy sexual congress, he should be stoked.
I had about a year-long run of being semi-seduced by men to have them hightail it, like scared little bunnies.
There a couple of things one can do to meet people, particularly if over 40. Eat out, grab coffee, and hang out at different places each week.
Go to any party you're invited to, join clubs with people who do what you like to do, volunteer, get involved socially. As a dating coach, I know that people resist it because they're scared to try something so unfamiliar to them.
Moreover, there's the human factor; it's much easier to reject someone arbitrarily than it is to make an exception.
Those exceptions take effort, and online dating is like Amazon Prime for sex.
In the context of dating, those ages felt a lot less damning than 40; they felt a lot more viable. As ambivalent as I am about having my own children, there's something haunting about that scene from where Marisa Tomei stomps her foot about her biological clock ticking.
My clock didn't begin ticking louder when I turned 40, but the echo of her boots on the floor did.
Eventually, I'd get fed up with the banality of it all, hide my profile or delete the app.